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Stepmom Diaries: Debunking the Wicked Stepmom Stereotype

Updated: Mar 23, 2023

We’ve all heard the stories about the cruel step mother who sets out to destroy the lives of her innocent step children all for her own selfish reasons. Cinderella's step mom kept her as a slave, Hansel & Gretel's abandoned them in the woods and Snow White's hired an assassin to cut out her heart before poisoning her with an apple.

With children growing up listening to stories like that, it’s no wonder that we sometimes regard the word stepmom with a negative connotation. But what about the narrative where the nice woman falls in love with a wonderful man and welcomes his children into her family with open arms and a caring heart?

Well I don’t need a fairy tale to tell me that story, because I’m already living it. Not only have I been blessed with the man of my dreams to share my life with, but I was also lucky enough to gain 2 delightful bonus children in the process. These 2 charming and respectful individuals made it easy for me to grow fond of them immediately.

Unite and Conquer

My husband is an excellent dad and that is definitely reflected in his kids. However, the remarkable people they've become can’t all be accredited to their father alone. The truth is their mom deserves accolades as well. She's a great mom and together, both parents have put the love of their children first and built a positive co-parenting foundation for their kids to grow and thrive from. Not every child is given that kind of stability and I can see the benefits it has provided for their kids.

I applaud the way that my husband and his children's mother have raised their children together yet separately. After all, not every co-parenting relationship can work quite that well. Sometimes it’s hard to set your personal feelings for the other parent aside in order to put the well-being of your children the main priority. However, when you see them grow into happy, well-adjusted individuals, you realize it was worth it in the end.

Stay In Your Lane

I’ve always understood that my role in my step kids’ lives is very different from the role I play in my own children’s lives. As a step parent, you’re tasked with navigating the delicate balance between being a friend and being a parental figure, all while respecting the relationship between your spouse, their children and the other parent. It can be a difficult line to walk, and requires a lot of patience, empathy, and understanding.

From the beginning, I put my focus on building a friendship with my bonus kids. Time and effort is needed in order to build a relationship of mutual respect. I wanted all of our kids to feel like they had a place in our home and in our family. It's so important that each child feels like they get enough time, attention and affection from their bio parent so they don't start feeling resentment.

Establish boundaries

My husband and I have somewhat different parenting styles, and we’ve had to learn to respect our varying rules and expectations that we’ve created for our respective children. We've found that it’s best to only offer our opinions when asked in regards to dealing with our step kids, and that the bio parent should be the only one who disciplines. When we disagree, we never discuss it in the presence of the children and we always do our best to show a united front when they’re around.

Lord knows we aren’t perfect, but our mutual love and respect for each other keeps our family going, and helps us through the challenging times. Becoming a step parent isn’t easy, but when you prioritize maintaining healthy relationships with everyone involved, it can be so rewarding. I know I wouldn’t give up my blended, blessed life for the world!

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